AliZo & Co

Damien’s Birth Story

This is my birth story. If I had known that my birth was going to happen the way it did, I would have thought twice about getting pregnant in the first place. The pain I felt during the 5 day birth process was beyond anything imaginable, I had no idea that labor and delivery could be so complicated!  I’m writing this story not to make anyone scared of having a baby, but rather to share with you a series of events that I had no idea could happen during birth. Some of you may find the story gruesome and hard to hear, while many of you may find it very interesting and educational. As I tell my birth story, I’m going to add in definitions for all the various complications we encountered. I was quite surprised that I never knew about most of these issues!  In a way I’m glad I didn’t know about them, or I would have feared birth more than I already did. We found these issues to be extra challenging because there is so much conflicting information out there about everything - even doctors at the same hospital have controversy on the same issues. Needless to say, it was quite overwhelming, but Lorenzo and I were able to digest all the information we could absorb and found our own path to Labor and Deliver. In the end, we couldn’t be happier with our journey and the final outcome!

Let me start off by saying I loved being pregnant!  I was so fortunate that I never had nausea, pain or any complications during the entire time. I was able to exercise right up to my due date, and I had good energy throughout each trimester.  For some reason my lactose intolerance went away during the pregnancy, so for the first time in my life, I could actually enjoy things like milk, cheese, ice cream, creme brulee, and all other dairy products! Needless to say, my 2 week trip to Sicily during my 2nd trimester was a dream come true… oh the gelato!  In addition to being able to consume dairy, I was able to eat eggs again. For some reason, during most of my life, I could not eat egg yolks. But while pregnant, they gave me no problems at all. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have a REAL omlette as opposed to an egg white-only omelette? It’s a huge difference. It’s not surprising that I gained weight quickly in the beginning of the pregnancy, but luckily I tapered down quite a bit and only gained about 28lbs total.

But sadly, most of my birth experience was not nearly as enjoyable. First of all, my due date was October 31st, which came and went without a peep.  Days went by and my doctors were getting concerned about me going past my due date. When I was a week overdue, one of the doctors was quite adamant that I get an induction ASAP. This was really upsetting for Lorenzo and me, as we had been hoping for a natural, no-intervention birth.  For months, we had been working with a birthing doula who is trained to help women have natural births through various methods such as Spinning Babies. We had been practicing these methods and techniques for months, and really had our hopes up for a natural birth. However, we did find out a couple months before the due date that our baby was not in the ideal position.  He was curled up on my right side and more sunny side up, which usually means the baby will come out face forward. When the baby delivers face forward, the back of his head grinds against your spine and nerves, which is extremely painful. This is why Lorenzo and I had been trying hard for months to help him turn into a better position, using Spinning Babies techniques. To hear a doctor say that I should get induced (which typically leads to a series of interventions), was an extreme disappointment.  We knew that our baby needed more time to spin into a better birthing position.

Very reluctantly, and after many tears, we agreed to get induced 10 days after our due date.  This was later than the doctor preferred, but it was the earliest that Lorenzo and I were willing to do.  We wanted to give the baby as much time as possible to move on his own, before allowing the doctors to intervene. So it was set!  On November 10th we were going to have our baby, or so we thought…

Friday, November 9th

On the last day of our “Baby Free” life, Lorenzo and I enjoyed a nice, relaxing day together. We talked about how we felt about having the baby, the induction, and how our lives would change forever.  Overall, we were in good spirits, as we believed we’d be a family of 3 very soon. However, as soon as we stepped out of our house to go for a walk, my back started killing me. It was a dull pain that increased with every step. I was determined to keep walking, as I thought it would be my last day out in fresh air for a while, but it just hurt too much.  We ended up just visiting a neighbor nearby, although it wasn’t the most pleasant experience due to my back pains. As soon as we made it back home, I went into our bedroom and collapsed to my knees… the pain was getting unbearable. It felt like someone was stabbing a knife in my back and twisting it in the same direction. I called Kaiser and asked them if I should come in.  They said I was likely in labor, but not to come in unless my contractions were much closer. I was confused at this point because I thought contractions were supposed to be in the abdominal area, not in the back. But I listened to Kaiser and stayed home. For hours, I suffered severe back pains and couldn’t do anything about it except stay on all fours with my hips high in the air.  I could imagine my baby’s head or back grinding against my spine and nerves, and the only way I could relieve the pressure was to do inversions. Obviously it was quite impractical to stay in this position, but I didn’t know what else to do since Kaiser told me not to go in. Needless to say, that evening really sucked and I spent most of the night in funky inversion positions.

Saturday, November 10th

In the morning I was actually happy to go in for an induction, as that back pain (which temporarily went away) really scared me a lot. We arrived at Kaiser with high hopes that our baby would be in our arms by the end of the day.  But when the doctor saw us show up with our hospital bag and all the birthing equipment we wanted to use, she almost laughed. She said “Oh! You guys are really ready… well let’s see what we can do.” That right there told me that nothing was going to happen anytime soon. The first intervention they decided to do was a Foley balloon - “A Foley bulb or Foley balloon is a catheter-like device that can be used to get the cervix to soften and open when labor needs to be induced. The saline solution causes the catheter to inflate like a balloon, putting pressure on the cervix to help it dilate.” After that uncomfortable thing was placed, we were told we could go home. 

So we dragged all our things back to our car and headed home. We were told to stay home for the next 12 hours (or until midnight), and then go back to Kaiser. At first, everything seemed fine and simply uncomfortable, but then it got very uncomfortable.  I started to get the back pains again, as well as contractions. To have those stupid pains again, along with the Foley balloon was a mean combination. Sadly, I spent the next 10 hours or so in a painful laboring state. Then midnight came along and Lorenzo called the hospital.  They asked if my water broke or if the contractions became closer in time. Since the answer was no, they said to cut the balloon and take it out, and go to the hospital in the morning. T’was another painful, disappointing day.

Sunday, November 11th

We woke up in the morning with high hopes that our baby was going to be born on this day. Exactly 5 years ago on 11/11/2014, Lorenzo had asked me to be his girlfriend. This date was always very special to us, and we thought it’d be even more special if our first child was born on this date. We went into the Labor & Delivery department almost with smiles on our faces, as we were ready to meet our baby. And then the discussions started… which intervention shall they try next?  Misoprostol? Pitocin? Break the water bag? Pick your poison. The consensus landed on Misoprostol and breaking my water bag - “Misoprostol, sold under the brand name Cytotec among others, is a medication used to prevent and treat stomach ulcers, start labor, cause an abortion, and treat postpartum bleeding due to poor contraction of the uterus.” At the time they started me on this drug, I was -2 Station (baby is fairly high), 80% effaced and 2cm dilated (we want to be at 10cm to start pushing). The Misoprostol was supposed to help me dilate. But I think it did everything EXCEPT dilate me… The next 8 hours or so were the WORST hours of my life!

Monday, November 12th & Tuesday, November 13th

First, I began to shake uncontrollably, freezing to death.  I asked Lorenzo to bundle me up with 4 large blankets, 2 heated blankets and a heating pad.  Even with all that, I was still freezing cold. Not surprisingly, I developed a fever which indicated that I got an infection. This is quite common when they break your water bag, as infection could easily begin.  It’s called Chorio - Chorioamnionitis is a bacterial infection that occurs before or during labor. The name refers to the membranes surrounding the fetus: the “chorion” (outer membrane) and the “amnion” (fluid-filled sac). ... Chorioamnionitis is also known as “amnionitis” or “intra-amniotic infection.” They started me on antibiotics right away and bags of water / saline which made me super poofy. But this was the least of my problems.  The real program began when my back labor started up again.

Without exaggeration, it was seriously the worst experience I’ve ever had in my life. I started having contractions due to the Misoprostal and the back pain was back in full force. This time it wasn’t just a knife in my back, it was a dagger stabbing me over and over and harder and harder in the same spot, every 5 - 6 minutes. It truly felt like my spine was breaking in half every few minutes and all I could do is scream Oww Oww Oww Owwwwwww!!! Luckily my Birth Doula (Nicole) and Lorenzo were there to help me through this tragic time.  Nicole lead us through a series of Spinning Babies positions to help move the baby into a better position and off my spine / nerves. But trying to do those positions while in extreme pain was nearly impossible! We did it, but I just wanted to die with each move. Finally, it came to a point where I couldn’t stop crying in pain and ended up vomiting multiple times on the hospital bed. I’ve NEVER vomited from pain before, so this was incredibly serious. At this point, Nicole asked me if I’d like to talk about pain medication. I said “Yes, I’d like to get the Epidural… I know I really didn’t want to do it and it’s not ideal, but I can’t take this anymore.” So that was it. I gave in, and ordered the Epidural ASAP - “An epidural is a procedure that injects a local anaesthetic into the space around the spinal nerves in your lower back. This anaesthetic usually blocks the pain from labour contractions and during the birth very effectively.”

I can tell you that the anesthesiologist couldn’t have come any quicker. I knew the sooner I got the Epidural, the sooner I would be able to gain control of myself. As soon as she came in, I sat on the side of the bed and Lorenzo sat in front of me on a chair, holding my hands. Seeing him and feeling his intense love and concern was the only thing that kept me going at that point. The anesthesiologist began her work by first putting in a needle to numb the area. She continued to verbally describe every step she was doing. After putting in the numbing injection, she started putting in the Epidural into my spine… but then at that very moment, I started getting back labor pains again (ouch!!), AND simultaneously, Lorenzo calls out “I’m getting faint!!”. Before we know it, Lorenzo’s eyes roll back into his head, and he starts collapsing forward onto my lap!  The nurse started freaking out because she knew that if I flinched with a needle in my spine, I could be in HUGE trouble. So here we are, with a needle in my spine, during a very painful contraction, while my husband is collapsed onto my lap. It was such a shitshow that I suddenly didn’t feel anything anymore and all I could say was… “Honey??”. Seeing that the nurse was freaking out, I just turned to her and blurted out “Ummm don’t worry, this is normal”.   

In disbelief the nurses immediately said “It would have been good to know if he usually faints during needle injections!”.  I assured them that we really didn’t think this was going to happen, as he usually only faints when he himself gets injected.  Nevertheless, we were in quite a state here. As the anesthesiologist finished up the spinal injection, the other nurse and I continue to talk to Lorenzo was watch his eyes move back and forth from me to her, completely confused. He then falls back onto his chair and slowly comes to. I told him that he fainted and asked if he was ok, but then he just stands up, walks over to the bed chair and passes out with a pillow on his face.  What a freakin’ circus!

As the epidural kicked in, I felt a WHOLE lot better.  The labor pains went away and I calmed down immediately.  Unfortunately, I still did not dilate at all and the doctors kept coming in every 30 - 60 minutes saying that the baby wasn’t moving much anymore.  They kept doing cervical checks and poking the baby’s head to see if he’d move. They did this about a half a dozen times, while keeping track of my dilation.  The progress was not good. Damien wasn’t moving much and I wasn’t dialating. After Lorenzo woke up, around 3pm, we had a nurse change. The new nurse was not friendly,  had bad vibes and was obvious that she didn’t give two shits about us. The energy in the room changed and we immediately knew we didn’t want this lady helping us with the delivery.  A few minutes later, the doctor comes back into the room and says in a solemn voice, “I’m sorry to say, but the baby hasn’t been moving much all day and at this time, I need to recommend a C-section”.  With those extremely painful words and also seeing the dead look in the new nurse’s eyes, I just burst into tears! All that time spent trying to turn the baby, avoiding induction, and doing everything possible to have a vaginal birth went to waste.  I felt defeated and absolutely depressed. Seeing my reaction, Lorenzo immediately says to the nurse “No! No we don’t want a C-section, can we at least wait until the 18 hour mark?” The doctor looked at Lorenzo in disbelief and says that the baby’s life is at risk, she highly doesn’t recommend it.  So we asked the doctor for a few minutes so Lorenzo and I could discuss how we felt…

On one hand, we really did not want to have a C-seciton. But on the other hand, we really did not want a stillbirth.  It was an extremely difficult decision to make and we had to act really fast. We decided to first ask for a new nurse (to change the energy in the room), then call my Doula to come ASAP (she was on a break), and then ask the doctor for a little more time.  Luckily when the doctor came back into the room, she agreed. She agreed to assign a nurse that we previously had met (Victoria) and knew that she was in line with our goals. The doctor also agreed to give us 2 hours MAX to do what we needed to do, before resulting in a C-section. Talk about working under pressure!  Victoria was familiar with Spinning Babies and various techniques that could help turn the baby into a better position so that he could drop down and help me dilate. Shortly after Victoria came in, my Doula arrived. With these two ladies and Lorenzo’s help, we went through a series of positions to turn the baby - inversions, side lying release, flying cowgirl, and many other Spinning Babies techniques.  “Spinning Babies is an approach to optimize the physical relationship between the bodies of the mother and baby for the easing of childbirth. Spinning Babies is a new paradigm that takes clues from baby's position and station for natural, physiological solutions.”

After going through all the positions possible, I laid down to rest.  Our 2 hours were almost up and we had given it all we got. We either succeeded or failed, and I can’t tell you how anxious I  was at this point to find out. I told myself that we had done everything possible for a vaginal birth and if it didn’t work out, at least I know we tried our best. In a few minutes, the doctor came back to do one last cervix exam.  And you know what?? In just those 2 short hours, I dilated from 4cm to 7cm! This was huge progress! The doctor was so excited and happy about the results that she said we could have a few more hours. At that point, I burst into tears again, so happy that we bought Damien more time to come out on his own.  What a freakin’ emotional roller coaster!  

Over the next few hours, I mostly rested and did gentle Spinning Babies stretches and positions.  We could tell that Damien’s position had shifted a lot, from my right side towards the middle of my belly, and he was facing back!  No more sunny side up and no more back pains! My hopes were high and my focus was 100% on the baby. I spent a lot of time meditating and imagining my baby coming down into place.  I remained calm and hopeful. And before I knew it, I started feeling like something was pushing out of my vagina. I started getting really happy, and as soon as Victoria walked in to check me I said with extreme excitement “I think he’s coming out!”.  She did a quick check and said “Yes! You are 9.5cm dilated, you’re in active labor! You’re going to have this baby!”. As soon as she said this, I started crying almost uncontrollably. Victoria then says “I know honey, I know it’s frustrating…”. But then I tell her “No, these are HAPPY tears!  I get to try vaginally!”. With that, Victoria gives me a huge smile then goes to tell the doctor.

When Victoria was checking me, Lorenzo was not there.  But he walked into the room just a few minutes afterwards.  He found me crying and asked what had happened. I said “I’m 9.5cm dilated now, I’m in active labor!  We get to try!”. And I cannot tell you how happy Lorenzo was!! The smile on his face and the big High-5 brought my excitement and happiness to the max.  We immediately asked our Doula to come back into the room as we were about to start pushing. 

The next hour was incredible, in the BEST and WORST way.  At 10cm I began pushing with Victoria, Lorenzo and Nicole’s help.  Victoria was quite impressed with my pushing and kept saying, you’re going to push this baby out before I can get the doctor in here! And sure enough, the baby started coming out just as the doctor got into position to help him out.  Within an hour, I had Damien in my arms and heart burst with joy. I was crying so hard I could hardly hold him in my arms! Watching Lorenzo’s expression during the delivery and afterwards was priceless, I’ve never seen him so ecstatic in my life! He had just witnessed and assisted with the birth of his first born… it’s not even possible to explain the emotions that filled the room.

And that was the best part of the delivery… the worst was about to happen. As the doctor helped Lorenzo with cutting the umbilical cord, they mentioned that it was the shortest cord they’ve ever seen.  It was a very, very odd remark. Then as we waited for the placenta to come out, which wasn’t, everyone in the room started to get nervous. Realizing that the placenta was not going to come out on it’s own, the doctor immediately begins reaching her entire ARM up in me to find it! I could feel her hand moving around deep in my belly as she tugged away at the organ. She tugged and tugged and finally says “It’s not coming out!  Did you have surgery on your uterus before??”. I tell her no and start getting really worried about what was going on. The tugging really hurt, as I kept feeling sharp pains as she maneuvered her arm inside me. Then I realized that she was actually trying to manually TEAR OUT the placenta, and damn that hurt!! With the baby in my arms, the fear in Lorenzo’s face, Nicole doing her thing to help out, and the doctor tugging away at my organs, I just couldn’t take it anymore. This absolutely sucked and I just wanted everyone OFF OF ME! 

When the shitshow was over, I couldn’t have been more relieved.  The nurses and doctors did what they needed to do with the baby, and to get me settled. I was surprised that no one would tell me what the hell just happened.  Eventually when I had a chance to talk to a doctor, she told me that I had a Fibroid - “Fibroids are non-cancerous growths that develop in or around the womb (uterus). The growths are made up of muscle and fibrous tissue, and vary in size. They're sometimes known as uterine myomas or leiomyomas. Many women are unaware they have fibroids because they don't have any symptoms. Women who do have symptoms (around 1 in 3) may experience: heavy periods or painful periods, tummy (abdominal) pain, lower back pain, a frequent need to urinate, constipation, and pain or discomfort during sex. In rare cases, further complications caused by fibroids can affect pregnancy or cause infertility.”

My whole life I’ve had extremely painful menstrual cramps, frequency to urinate, and other symptoms of fibroids, yet I never knew I had them!  Had I known I had them, I would have had them removed (surgically) before getting pregnant. I asked the doctor that if I got pregnant again, if the birth would be similar and she said yes. This made me quite upset, as I know I could never go through that again.  So at this point, if Lorenzo and I want another baby, I’ll have to get the surgery. And since infertility is a possible outcome of fibroids, who knows if we’ll be able to get pregnant again! This made us feel extremely emotional. We were very upset that I have these fibroids that have to be surgically removed, however, we were extremely happy and thankful that we were able to have a healthy baby even with the fibroids!  My friend’s sister had fibroids and had two miscarriages before getting the surgery… she was eventually able to have children again, but it just shows how serious they can be. I just can’t believe I never knew I had them!

Wednesday, November 14th

Damien was born on 11/13 at 11:02pm, weighing 7lbs, 14oz… big boy!  I was transferred to a recovery room some time in the very early morning of November 14th. I thought it was time to rest, but that was far from the truth.  With nurses and doctors constantly coming in and the need to feed the baby often, we got no sleep at all. I was still on antibiotics from the infection, and 3 different types of painkillers… not fun at all.  I think we managed to have visitors at some point - just my sisters and my mom. Everyone was so very happy that the baby and I were healthy and safe. It was truly a surreal day, as I never thought for the longest time that I would ever have children… and now here I am with my first baby boy, and I couldn’t be happier!  Or more exhausted. However, the next 24 hours continued to be a struggle…

Thursday, November 15th 

We were told that we had to leave the hospital by the end of this day.  The reason is because I gave birth at 11:02pm two days ago and I was only allowed two midnights at the hospital.  This upset me quite a bit because I feel that we got ripped off by one day. I was having extreme back pains, bleeding, and quite uncomfortable.  I was still on antibiotics and painkillers, as well as an electronic heating pad. My back was still killing me for some reason. A couple of doctors came in to check to see if the epidural injured my spine, but that turned out ok.  No one could explain what was wrong with my back. This, in combination with the pressure to leave, made it a stressful day.

Then it came time for Damien’s complications.  He was not latching well at all and my nipples were starting to get blisters, which really hurt a lot. I was afraid they’d pop and I’d get an infection like Mastitis - “Mastitis is an inflammation of breast tissue that sometimes involves an infection. The inflammation results in breast pain, swelling, warmth and redness. You might also have fever and chills. Mastitis most commonly affects women who are breast-feeding.” When the doctor came by, she said that she’d try to get me a hospital grade pump so that I could breastfeed on my left side and pump on my right (which was worse), and then syringe feed the baby whatever I got from the pump.  It sounded like a hassle but I definitely preferred to it having popped blisters! The doctor also mentioned that Damien might need to get a Frenectomy - “A frenectomy is the removal of a frenulum, a small fold of tissue that prevents an organ in the body from moving too far. It can refer to frenula in several places on the human body. It is related to frenuloplasty, a surgical alteration in a frenulum.”

Poor little guy… he was just born and now possibly needed to get his frenulum cut.  I know it’s not a big deal (it’s a quick procedure), but we were hoping to avoid further disturbances. Another doctor said it was not necessary, but then a 3rd doctor said we should do it.  So we did. The next complication that arose was the circumcision. One doctor said that Damien had a web on his penis area which would prevent him from being able to have a circumcision. This bothered us a lot because Lorenzo and I really felt that he would be happy later in life if he was circumcised.  And for the choice to be taken away from us was quite disappointing. So then we asked for another doctor’s opinion. The next doctor checked out Damien and confirmed that there was in fact a web, which increased his chances of getting “Disappearing Penis”. What the hell?? After all that we’ve been through and all the complications, what the hell is Disappearing Penis?  “A buried penis is a penis that’s covered by excess skin in the pubic area or scrotum. The scrotum is the sac of skin that surrounds the testicles. The penis is usually of normal length and function, but it’s hidden. The condition can be caused by: excess fat, fluid retention, problems, with ligaments, complications after a circumcision.”

Here we were, just a day after giving birth and now faced with so many decisions to make.  To breastfeed or to pump? To cut the frenulum or not? To circumcise or not? With so many doctors with opposing opinions, it just made things a lot more difficult and frustrating. We were sleep deprived, emotional, and not in the best state to make these larger decisions.  In the end, we decided to circumcise him anyway, since the doctor said that he was quite confident that he could perform the procedure successfully. And it seemed to go well… Until a few hours later. Just minutes before we were supposed to get discharged from the hospital, the nurse said that Damien’s circumcision area was bleeding quite a bit more than usual and they wanted us to stay another hour to monitor it.  During that hour, Lorenzo and I now stressed about if our son’s penis was going to “disappear”. What did we do?? Were all these decisions we were making selfish? Is it selfish to breast pump due to blisters, rather than breastfeed? Is it selfish to cut his frenulum because it’s causing me injuries? Is it selfish to have him circumcised because we think it would be more aesthetically pleasing? We were constantly questioning ourselves and requesting various doctors to help us make the “right” decision.  And I guess that’s the start of parenting!

Luckily around 10:30pm, the doctor said that Damien was ok and that we were able to go home.  What a relief! That night, our night doula, Crystal, met us at our house at 11:00pm. And I couldn’t be more thankful for her!  Even though I still had to get up every 2 - 3 hours to feed Damien, she was able to help me with the latch, the hold, burping, changing, and putting him down to sleep.  I think I managed to get about 2 - 3 hours of sleep that night (broken up into 1 hour increments of course), but it was a whole lot better than at the hospital!

Friday, November 16th

This was the first day that Lorenzo, Damien and I were able to be a family at home.  The whole day was a struggle and learning process, but we got through it. We were even able to squeeze in about 30 minutes of sunset time!  There are so many health benefits of watching the sunset, and it’s something that Lorenzo and I have been looking forward to at the end of our days recently.  To share this special moment with Damien was truly amazing. To watch his wandering eyes look out at the view and sunset almost made me cry. We brought this little human into this world, and he’s seeing it for the first time!  Oh Damien, I can’t tell you how much you’re going to love life with us… mommy and daddy are going to take you on so many great adventures, you’re going to love it! Although we are fully enjoying these early days of your life, we’re really looking forward to the days when we can take you hiking, biking, swimming in the ocean, travelling and so much more!  The adventure has just begun, and we’re ready for it!